New Year Festivities, my Arse

Due to an unfortunate combination of disgustingly sick skiiers and the consumption of random ham from the fridge, Mr Baskerville is unable to attend any New Year's parties. However,  he hopes Mrs Eaves has a fantastic time seeing in 2010.

Mr B is quite happy sitting at home consuming wine & chocolate.

I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas

If Mr Baskerville hears one more 'jolly' and 'cheerful' Christmas carol he will stab himself in both ears with a sharp pencil.

bah humbug

Tyop

Karma has bitten Mr Baskerville in the arse.

A salesperson gleefully showed Mr B a typo in today's paper, where Mr B had designed a tasteful festive filler hoping readers have happy Christmas Washes.

Stop Thief

Mr Baskerville had a big birthday yesterday, one of those with a zero after the number. He is still waiting to feel, and indeed act, mature.

It was a good day, for a work day, for there was cake!

Most of this was consumed, and the afternoon passed in a sugar daze. The remaining cake was put in the fridge. Today Mr Baskerville, salivating slightly, went to fetch the cake only to discover that some bastard had eaten it! Outrage!!

Mr B suspects one of the wankers in the Sales Department, so will get his revenge by putting cunning typos in every ad... Strip Lion Steak, Pork Toast, 50% Discocunt....

mwa ha haaa

Extreme Blogging

If you want to get your heart rate up, try blogging without realising the publisher is standing behind you!

Mr Baskerville is now a nervous wreck...

Print Disaster

Mr Baskerville had a slight disaster at work recently. Caused by his sunny, unselfish nature when he rashly (and for the last time EVER) offered to help one of his colleagues finish an ad.

He had to type 'beef skirt',  'butt roast' and '50% off  tongue' (not  euphemisms).

Mr B hates creating supermarket ads. HATES. He would rather poke his own eye out with a fork. And coupled with the fact that he had to stay late to finish said ad...

The laser printer paid the price. Poor printer, how we will miss thee.

Mr Baskerville is aware that, like a dim-witted dwarf, he is not big and not clever.

I could be rabid

Last week, while leaving my place of 'employment', I was bit by a dog. The dog came out of no where, bit my shin, then ran underneath his owner's car. The owner was fixing the car at the time, and did not bother to look up with all of the shouting that followed the bite. Of course, it was probably comedy for him listening to white people try and yell and swear in Spanish, while keeping a safe distance from rabid dog.

The rabid dog bit through the skin, I have two teeth marks. But it was not a gushing-blood kind of injury., minimal blood with large bruise. Luckily, I was wearing red pants to camoflouge the blood. Is that why he bit me? Are they like bulls, pissed off by red?

The funny thing was that there is no rip in my pants... how can that be?

Sick Transit

Mr Baskerville takes public transport - not because he is arsed about his carbon footprint, but because he likes a drink or several after work. 

He recently witnessed a young man, laden down with plastic bags, get on the bus. This man put these bags down then casually reached into the back of his trousers and withdrew a block of cheese. A large block, about the size of a brick.

Arse cheese. Shoplifted arse cheese.

Mr Baskerville has gone right off cheese toasties.

Bah humbug

STATUS: VEXED

Here at the 'news'paper we have all been emailed by head office with suggested 'donations' the company would like us to make to their favourite charity. Bollocks! Mr B has no interest in helping the publisher show off to the company big-wigs.

And besides, he needs his money to buy drinks.

Too pissed off to blog

STATUS: ARRRRGH!

Mr Baskerville has had a run-in with the person who is inaccurately described as the sales 'manager'. He is thinking of a word that begins with "F" and ends with "ucking idiot"

Sleep

I am happy to inform everyone that I can sleep once again. And I have been eating cake since Thursday.

I miss coffee breaks with Mr Baskerville. Even when not working, I need those coffee breaks.

Cake

STATUS: SAD

Today Mrs Eaves left the 'news'paper for a better job. Mr Baskerville is a bit sad. Who will he go for extended coffee breaks with? How will he find lunch on his own? Who will he exchange sarcastic, sweary emails with about what is laughingly referred to as management?

However, at least there was cake for Mrs E's leaving, so the day was not a total loss.

Mmmmmmm, cake.

Stupid Question of the Day

Today, one of the salespeople I worked with (for 3-4 years now) asked, “Do you use InDesign?”
No, she was not kidding or feeling stupid about the question.

New Guy

STATUS: ANNOYED

There is a new guy here at the 'news'paper Mr Baskerville works for. One of the Salespeople came into the Production department and said "New Guy! You sent me the attachment wrong."
Way to be welcoming....

Poor guy. We tried to keep the swearing and grumbling down so he does not run, screaming, from the building, but alas this did not last.

Ten Minutes

That is how long it took to explain my job, I mean my whole job, to the new guy.

I Have Yellow Fever

Like most people, I am continuously on the search for new sickee ideas to get out of work. To my delight, I was vaccinated against Yellow Fever for my upcoming trip. The shot itself is not a delight, it burns like someone is putting out a cigarette on your arm. However the pain disappeared when I heard the lovely nurse explain that the vaccination is a live virus, and that I may get flu-like symptoms within a couple of days.

Joy!

Two days later I emailed my boss:

Hi Boss,
Please excuse me from work today. I have Yellow Fever. Don’t worry, I am not contagious. I was just injected with a live vaccine.

Word Scramble

STATUS: INFURIATED

Mr Baskerville spent 4 hours this morning searching for a pic, as per the publisher's specs, only to discover that the publisher is now arranging a photo shoot so won't need anything from Mr B.

He has created a word scramble to illustrate his feelings about this.

HTE

EIBUPLHSR

SI

A

ENAWKR

Cultural Heritage

STATUS: AMUSED

Mr Baskerville was slightly embarrassed at work when, for a bet, he changed his desktop picture to a full screen image of the Cerne Abbas giant. A split second later one of the Salespeople walked into the production department, where he was astonished to find himself eye to, well, knob, with the proudly naked giant.

Mr Baskerville explained that it was not chalky porn, but part of his cultural heritage. He has not stopped giggling, but has since changed the image.

Deadlines

STATUS: SLIGHTLY MIFFED

Mr Baskerville was pondering - over a glass or three of wine - why, in his decades of experience in the publishing industry, he has never known a Sales or Editorial department with even the slightest affinity with the concept of deadlines.

It is quite possibly one of life's mysteries.

Saved by napping

STATUS: MILDLY IRATE

Mr Baskerville recently created some templates for an 'informative guide' the 'news'paper he works for is publishing. After final approval by what he laughingly refers to as 'management', he uploaded the templates. He was then informed the page size had changed and he would have to re-create everything. After a mild choleric fit and cup of tea, he calmed down, went home and had a nap.

Three days later, he was told that, oops! an error had occurred and the templates would have to be changed back to the original size.

Luckily, he had forgotten to make the changes.