Rad Sends Important Message

Sometimes my radiator talks to me. I think Rad is trying to tell me something important, but I am unable to understand. This may sound odd, until you realize your radiator also speaks to you. Late at night, when all is quiet, Rad first starts humming, knocking, and clicking, then slowly the words come out. Lately Rad has been repeating these words. I am trying to decode the message.

1. hooooooome, or whoooooooore, or hooooooooooo

2. noooo, nooooone

3. ooze, loose, or booze.

4. ahhhhhhh, blaaaaah, glaaaaaa

Oh, I Want You So Bad

As you know, I have been trying this online dating thing. It is weird. I have had no success. What I don't understand is men's choice of photos (or lack of photos) they choose to upload.

Why would you choose a photo of you surrounded by beautiful (beer rep) women, wearing almost nothing, looking like you are at the best party ever? Is that supposed to make me want you? I know they are only pretending to like you, it's their fucking job!

Also, loads of men don't upload photos. This is a red flag for me. Is it cause they don't want to get caught by their wives? One guy (with no photo) claims that his best trait is 'openness, honesty, I am like an open book'. I beg to differ.

Photos of men holding gynormous fish they caught, is not sexy. Let me clarify, is not sexy to women, it may be sexy to other men.

Things I Hate Part I

- When people update their facebook statuses(sp?) every 5 minutes about the stupid, mundane, boring shite they are doing. And how their life is the GREATEST!

- The smell of garbage and wet socks.

- When people don't email me for weeks/months and then pretend that it was me who have stopped communicating. 'I haven't heard from you in sooooooo long'. Nice try. I am on top of things like this.

- Cold feet.

- When profs mark papers and just give you a grade... with nothing else. Surely the purpose of writing papers, and having them graded, is to become a better writer.

- Cold hands.

- When people (I don't know) tell me how busy they are. Yes, you're very important, and I am less important... Congratulations, you win. Can we move forward?

- Leopard print things.

- When people 'tag' me in ugly facebook photos, then, after I have untagged myself, they ask why. You just want me to say it out loud. Yes, I am ugly, you are beautiful. Congratulations, you win! Can we move forward?

- The man from the bank who keeps calling me. My sister is going to get you fired, you asshole!

- People who start sentences with 'I don't mean to be rude, but....' Wankers.

- Bus drivers who shut the door in my face and drive away.

- When people call me 'dude'. A dude, I am not.

- The word 'panties'. Oh geez, I even hate typing it.


This by no means is an exhaustive list. There are many things I hate. I also love some things, but that is less interesting to write about.

Would you retire if...

There are loads of practice interview questions and suggested answers on the world wide web (who knew?). I have been studying them. I found one that I found particularly humorous.

'If you won multi-millions in the lottery, would you retire right away?'

Now, surely this has to be a trick question. Who in their right mind would consider still working at their mind-numbing 9-5, if given millions?

The advice states to explain the interviewer, of course you would still work, because you are passionate about your job, you love the organization, you are fulfilled by work (see blog title), etc, etc. I just could not do this with a straight face. I am all for bending the truth for interviews, but this is stretching just a little too far.

Here's another idea for an answer to that question:

'No, I would quit, on the spot, without any notice, and I wouldn't bother calling, cause, why should I? If I feel the 'need' to work, surely I can find something more suited to what I actually care about and what I like to do. And if not, perhaps I will toss some money around, give to charity, buy my friends a bunch of crap, take everyone I like on an exotic trip to hawaii, etc. Maybe I would even buy this organization, fire everyone, then sell it for a profit! HA! Please don't look at me like that, are you so inspired by your HR job, that you'd stay?'

Wino

Mr Baskerville just refilled his glass of wine, then pissed about on the internet for a while, forgot he'd filled his glass to the brim and promptly slopped wine all over his laptop.

He is now licking the keyboard.

Career Advice Part II

• Do not take two sabbaticals in one year. Your boss may think you are not serious about your job.

• If you have a telephone interview, buy beer, and drink it while you have the interview.

• Do not make out with anyone from work (it never works out the way you think it will). And everyone remembers everything*.

• Try on your interview outfit a couple of days before an interview. You may have bought a slutty short dress by accident because you were so excited something fit!


* No, Mr B, I did not make out with anyone from my most recent job. That would be unprofessional.

Career Advice

Because he is both generous and bored, Mr Baskerville would like to share the extensive knowledge he has gleaned in his long years working in the print industry. He hopes it will help anyone looking to emulate his stellar career.

• Do not attend an interview after smoking a spliff
• Vodka and orange is a perfectly acceptable lunch
• The client is almost never right
• Dot gain can explain all mistakes
• Always exaggerate the time even the simplest project will take, so you can piss about and go out for coffee/drinks without worrying about deadlines
• Always dress appropriately (ie no pyjamas)
• Try to develop a tropical disease, so it can 'flare up' when you need a sickie
• Pretend you love your boss's dog, even though it stinks like poo
• Develop a hobby you can pursue at work (learning a language, reading all the Classics, write a novel)
• Do not blog at work when the publisher is standing behind you

Mr B would be grateful for any advice his reader may offer, as he's always looking to climb that career ladder.