Bad Attitude

I have one. It's so bad, I am not even going to write a full post. What's the point?

Cover letter (1)

Mr B found a job online which looks interesting. Possibly, the elusive Top Job. However, as you all know, he worked at a newspaper for years, and therefore is alarmed by these requirement from the job ad:

"work that demonstrates creative flair...proven experience applying theories related to colour schemes, use of space, text placement, usability...visual flow...extend existing brands..."

Basically, Mr B's long experience has left him with a portfolio containing no creative flair whatsoever, pretty much in black and white, and full of ads just stuffed with text and starbursts.

So what should he write in his cover letter? Perhaps:

"my long experience in the publishing industry has enabled me to develop my skills in creating starbursts, and the use of horizontal scale allows me to cram all the client's insane copy into a tiny, unreadable space. Visual flow has long been a passion of mine, as is clearly demonstrated in my favourite client, Killarney Market. I leave my work to speak for itself."

So, who thinks Top Job will call as soon as they get Mr B's application?

Useful Advice

Mr B, while flummoxed that he has not yet found Top Job, has decided to share some of his valuable career-procuring knowledge with his reader. Top Tips for the Top Job, if you will.

While noodling on-line, seeking Top Job, he found the following paragraph in a job description:

"We reward self-starters, firecrackers, collaborators and life enthusiasts. We can’t abide stagnancy or bureaucracy. We thrive on change and ambitious goals. Join our team!"

Now, Mr B is as ambitious as the next man* but this statement confused him. First, WTF is a 'firecracker' in this case? A person who exhibits sudden wild bursts of energy, then collapses? A person with a lot of bright ideas, which inevitably fizzle out into dull grey mediocrity? Mr B does not want to work with firecrackers, either the stuffed-with-gunpowder type or the cheerful, bubbly personality type. They would Annoy him.

Also, 'collaborators'? Surely that was the name given to those aiding the Nazis in occupied Europe? Mr B will however concede that language changes over time, and will move on. After all, no-one says 'gadzooks' anymore, either.

But 'life enthusiasts'???? I mean, really?? Is the company saying that, while they are non-discriminatory, they do not want suicidal applicants? And is 'life enthusiasm' a career, or simply a hobby or interest? Is there a certificate programme? And can one display one's enthusiasm for life in an interview situation by wearing a novelty tie? Gadzooks, this is Annoying.

*if said man is sitting in a pub

Mr B is back!

Woo! The recently-returned Mr B is back to his damp city on the north wet coast and he's looking for work. Naturally, he expects to almost immediately be headhunted by a Top Firm, to do a Top Job.

In the meantime, he will analyze his approach, and offer Useful Tips to his loyal reader. He will be helpful, and informative, because he is a People Person!

Currently, though, he is watching TV.