Sample Cover Letter

Mr Baskerville did not get the job! He fully expects you are as amazed as he is.* And after yet again failing to select 6 winning numbers, he is back looking for work.

Mr Baskerville knows that hiring managers are busy, important people who probably won't read more than a couple of sentences. So why waste their time with well-crafted descriptions of your former work-related triumphs? Mr B has managed to distill his 18 years of publishing industry experience into one succinct sentence.

Adapt this for your own job hunts, or just copy and paste it directly into your email, whatever works for you.

Dear Sir,**

I am a detail-oriented, self-starting team player, motivated towards effectively communicating my problem-solving goals while thinking in colour, dreaming of typefaces, and longing to enter your data.***

Sincerely,
Mr B

*not very, actually.
**Mr Baskerville knows he should find the actual name, but he cannot be arsed. And a quick internet search tells him that most hiring managers are men. So you have about 50% chance of being right. Besides, we all know women just love being mistaken for men, so you're probably on a winner either way.
***not a euphemism, though it should be

Second Interview Thank You Letter

Mr Baskerville is nothing if not polite. So he knows how important it is to write a thank you letter after your second interview.

Here's one you can adapt for your own situation.

Dear Smadam,*

It was an absolute delight to meet you earlier today. I can't imagine a better way to spend my time. It totally made up for the hours I spent on transit, wearing uncomfortable clothes.

I thoroughly enjoyed hearing your comments on the industry. You are so right. You should be the President.

I'm delighted that the job description has changed--as you know, I love a challenge.** You described the intricacies of this fascinating role with such skill that I now long to work there. The filing! The unexpected extra duties!! And yes, of course my hours are flexible!!! It goes without saying that if you need, I'll be happy to sleep under my desk so I'm on call, 24/7.

Again, it was an honour to meet you.

I long to hear from you. Call anytime!

Sincerely***
Mr Baskerville [don't forget to insert your own name here]

PS I've installed a coop, in case you'd rather communicate by homing pigeon.

Mr Baskerville fully expects to hear within the hour that he has been hired.

*Don't worry if you've forgotten the interviewer's name. You know they've forgotten yours.
**Again, don't worry that this is a lie.
***see above [**]

Second Interview Questions part 1: Career Goals

Mr Baskerville has a second interview today, for what is unlikely to be Top Job, but is better than No Job. So, woo!*

Clearly, there will be more questions. And just as clearly, the truth must remain out there, and not come anywhere the interview. In the current economic climate**, Mr Baskerville knows there are others also seeking work, so has put together this Helpful Guide for answering second interview questions.

Second Interview Questions

There will be questions about your Career Goals. Here are some examples:

Start with your graduation, and explain the rationale behind each of your career moves

This must be a trick. If Mr Baskerville had any sort of rationale, would he be here interviewing for this crappy job? No, he would be a General by now.
In reality, Mr Baskerville took a degree which interested him***, then bummed around travelling, then stumbled into a magazine job and confusedly careened through the publishing world, ending up bitter, drunk, and downsized.

How many hours a day/week do you need to work, to get the job done?

Aha, another trick! The honest answer clearly is: as few as possible. But don't be tempted into truth! Pick your age, multiply it by pi, and confidently say that number.

How do you measure success?

Do not mention gold bars, dodgy diamonds, or young grateful ladies (or men, whichever). Instead say success is a state of mind. If kittens everywhere are happy, and every chicken has pot, then my work here is done. Or something. If you panic, just mention the Dali Lama.

Describe your dream job

If you value your career (and possibly freedom) do NOT describe your dream job. Or at least, not if you are anything like Mr Baskerville, whose dream job is a haze of books, wine, naps, and of course dodgy diamonds. Simply regurgitate the wanky job description for this job. You dream of low paid, long hours of filing, right? 

*this is Mr Baskerville being upbeat, and positive.
**clearly, the depths of winter
***his first mistake