So in preparing for the interview, Mr Baskerville googled around. Who knew the internet was so full of Useful Advice? (other than the reader of this blog, obviously). Mr Baskerville found a list of** interview questions.
After careful*** thought, here's some Top Tips of how to answer these questions interviewers love.
Why don't you tell me about yourself?
- The interviewer basically wants an excuse to NOT hire you, exactly like an agent wants to quickly reject your query letter. So this is obviously a trick question.
- So why not be honest? Don't waste the interviewer's time on focusing on why you're qualified for this position, but instead amuse and entertain with that long story about that bar in Vladivostock, with the friendly ladies and the vodka.
How long have you been with your current employer?
- Again, be honest. "Too fucking long" is a perfectly acceptable response
What is your greatest weakness?
- Interviewers love this one, they like to see you squirm. But be strong! Don't be ashamed of your weaknesses, but embrace them!And again, don't waste time cunningly tailoring a 'weakness' to the job, showing how you can admit responsibility. Simply say "A lack of introspection" and move on.
Tell me a situation where you did not get along with a superior
- They love this one! But if you're anything like Mr Baskerville, you have a bible-length list of things your fuckwit ex boss did, so all you have to worry about here is not speaking for more than an hour.
Describe a situation where you were part of a failed project
- Clearly, we've all been part of failed projects. So take this opportunity to digress on the meaning of life itself. Are we not all failures, in the great scheme of things?
- Or, if you're feeling upbeat****, then say that life itself can never be a failure. We've successfully struggled against the odds from the time we were a sperm, so what difference does a massive fine for missing print deadlines make?And surely we all had a good laugh about the 50% Discocunts?
What are your strengths?
- You've probably talked yourself hoarse by now, so simply say weight-lifting
What do you do when you are not working?
- Careful! This is where honesty might not be your friend. Drinking, smoking, napping are clearly not what you should say. Its probably safer to avoid any word with 'ing' in it. Consider saying you are the head of an obscure cult. This will highlight your leadership qualities.
Why did you leave your last position?
- Steady...its another trick! Simply refer them to your answer to question 3.
Good luck!*****
*Dammit, how hard is it to pick 6 numbers?
**annoying
***brief
****Mr Baskerville can't actually remember what this feels like, but he's seen it on TV
*****you'll need it
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