Mr Baskerville loves Easter, that mysterious festival where rabbits inexplicably give us chocolate eggs. He is almost certain that there is a logical* explanation for this, but loyal readers may know that Mr B has only a vague grasp on religion.
However, he is all about the consumption of chocolate. Eggs for breakfast every day!
*or nonsensical
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
unclean, unclean
Mr Baskerville has been ill. Coughing, sneezing, oceans of snot...not pleasant at chez Baskerville. He was unable to make himself tea; pick up the remote control; open a bottle of wine.
Yes, it was man-flu.
Yes, it was man-flu.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Brain Drain
Mr Baskerville's brain did not have to work this hard before he was sacked.
At work (that joyous, well-managed place he will never, ever disparage) all he did was drink tea; piss about on the internet; read classic books, poems and plays; research his own novel and - best of times - go for breaks with Mrs Eaves. Oh, and create the occasional ad.
But now....he is sorting out visas for his proposed long trip. He is so stressed he is unable to nap! He will definitely need a vacation, to recover from the trip.
At work (that joyous, well-managed place he will never, ever disparage) all he did was drink tea; piss about on the internet; read classic books, poems and plays; research his own novel and - best of times - go for breaks with Mrs Eaves. Oh, and create the occasional ad.
But now....he is sorting out visas for his proposed long trip. He is so stressed he is unable to nap! He will definitely need a vacation, to recover from the trip.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Love on the Lines - Entry IV
I was hoping the strike would bring a sizzling love affair. How romantic would it be to meet on the lines? We could drink wine and talk politics over nachos and chocolate (on him, obviously). We could wear matching rain outfits, mine pink, his blue, head to toe plastic. He could use his sign to shield us from the elements. Everyone would talk about us, because it's strike related, but a bit more interesting.
So, blog followers, how do I make this happen?
So, blog followers, how do I make this happen?
Striker's Diet - Entry III
The good news is, all my pants, trousers if you will, are too large! All this free time to go to the gym, then walking the lines for half a day is helpful for trimming down. Lack of money helps too. Who needs to buy food anyways?
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Striker's Journal - Entry II
TOP TIPS FOR STRIKING
1. When picketing outdoors, put on sun block! I wish it was hot, I could work on my tan, while picketing. Better yet, don't go on strike unless it's summer.
2. There seems to be lots of free food around.*
Eat, eat more, stuff it down your throat. Who knows when your next meal will be? Eat everything you see. Then drink the water, tea and coffee. It tastes like hell, but drink it.
3. If there is a handsome guy on the lines, talk to him. Time goes by much faster when looking at a cute boy.
4. Get a dog.
5. When someone asks you how you are, answer 'hanging in' while tilting head. That seems to be the correct answer while picketing.
6. EAT the donuts. This is not the time to calorie count.
7. When you run into your coworkers, walk with them. Then find a way to get back to the cute man. He's much more interesting.
8. Wear long undies. It may not be cold, but after hour four, it's freakin' freezing.
*But chili? really? It's 1.5 km to the closest washroom.
1. When picketing outdoors, put on sun block! I wish it was hot, I could work on my tan, while picketing. Better yet, don't go on strike unless it's summer.
2. There seems to be lots of free food around.*
Eat, eat more, stuff it down your throat. Who knows when your next meal will be? Eat everything you see. Then drink the water, tea and coffee. It tastes like hell, but drink it.
3. If there is a handsome guy on the lines, talk to him. Time goes by much faster when looking at a cute boy.
4. Get a dog.
5. When someone asks you how you are, answer 'hanging in' while tilting head. That seems to be the correct answer while picketing.
6. EAT the donuts. This is not the time to calorie count.
7. When you run into your coworkers, walk with them. Then find a way to get back to the cute man. He's much more interesting.
8. Wear long undies. It may not be cold, but after hour four, it's freakin' freezing.
*But chili? really? It's 1.5 km to the closest washroom.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Striker's Journal - Entry I
I had many questions about a picket line that I published earlier this month. After a day on the lines, I can answer them.
What happens on a picket line?
You walk back and forth. Do not stop too long, you will get cold.
What do picketers talk about?
The strike, how one is surviving, people we like, people we hate.
Will there be fire in a metal garbage can to warm our hands over?
There was no fire today.
Will there be irate citizens throwing stuff out of cars at us?
No one threw anything thing at us today. Someone shouted some pretty nasty things from his passing pick up truck. There were a handful of F bombs.
Will we yell obscenities at people who cross the lines?
No. We smiled and waved at one of our bosses crossing the lines.
Do I need to make my own sign?
No, not aloud to make own sign.
Should I put glitter on it?
Perhaps glitter can be added to a union-made sign? I will inquire tomorrow.
What happens on a picket line?
You walk back and forth. Do not stop too long, you will get cold.
What do picketers talk about?
The strike, how one is surviving, people we like, people we hate.
Will there be fire in a metal garbage can to warm our hands over?
There was no fire today.
Will there be irate citizens throwing stuff out of cars at us?
No one threw anything thing at us today. Someone shouted some pretty nasty things from his passing pick up truck. There were a handful of F bombs.
Will we yell obscenities at people who cross the lines?
No. We smiled and waved at one of our bosses crossing the lines.
Do I need to make my own sign?
No, not aloud to make own sign.
Should I put glitter on it?
Perhaps glitter can be added to a union-made sign? I will inquire tomorrow.
One more day
Mr Baskerville has only one more day at work, before he can take random naps and always wear pyjamas.
No drama yet, sadly. No one weeping, begging the HR woman to reinstate their favourite person. No accolades, no praise. And even worse, no cake.
All he has seen is Sales people trying to get him to do future ads (fuck off, lady, if he is not working here, he's not preparing an ad) and Editorial people whining about how much work they will now have to do (fuck off, lady, at least you still have a job).
He should clean his desk, dust etc, but he really cannot be arsed.
No drama yet, sadly. No one weeping, begging the HR woman to reinstate their favourite person. No accolades, no praise. And even worse, no cake.
All he has seen is Sales people trying to get him to do future ads (fuck off, lady, if he is not working here, he's not preparing an ad) and Editorial people whining about how much work they will now have to do (fuck off, lady, at least you still have a job).
He should clean his desk, dust etc, but he really cannot be arsed.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Pulling
There is a lovely elderly woman in my apartment building. She is very sweet, and uses a walker, and is very confused about who lives behind my door.
A couple of weeks ago, I was in my apartment having lunch. I heard the door knob turn, and to my surprise, the elderly woman just walked right in. Our eyes met, she said 'oh dear, oh, so sorry, I thought this was the garbage shoot.', then she closed the door and walked away.
This past week, she has knocked on my door three times to 'give a man a paper'. The first time I answered, and she said. 'So sorry, I thought a man lived here and I promised him the newspaper.'
The second time, I answered the door with the phone to my ear. She whispered, 'oh, sorry, I thought a man lived here'. I saw the newspaper on her walker seat.
The third time, I did not answer because I was napping. Then found a sticky note under the door. It said, 'I have a paper for you, I am in apt $%#.' So I went over to her apartment to return the sticky note and to explain that she has the wrong apartment. She asked me if I knew 'where the elderly man lives'. Sadly, I do not.
I think she has a crush on the 'elderly man'. She has promised him the paper, and is making huge efforts to see that he receives it. How sweet is she? He better appreciate her and be nice to her, or I will be pissed.
A couple of weeks ago, I was in my apartment having lunch. I heard the door knob turn, and to my surprise, the elderly woman just walked right in. Our eyes met, she said 'oh dear, oh, so sorry, I thought this was the garbage shoot.', then she closed the door and walked away.
This past week, she has knocked on my door three times to 'give a man a paper'. The first time I answered, and she said. 'So sorry, I thought a man lived here and I promised him the newspaper.'
The second time, I answered the door with the phone to my ear. She whispered, 'oh, sorry, I thought a man lived here'. I saw the newspaper on her walker seat.
The third time, I did not answer because I was napping. Then found a sticky note under the door. It said, 'I have a paper for you, I am in apt $%#.' So I went over to her apartment to return the sticky note and to explain that she has the wrong apartment. She asked me if I knew 'where the elderly man lives'. Sadly, I do not.
I think she has a crush on the 'elderly man'. She has promised him the paper, and is making huge efforts to see that he receives it. How sweet is she? He better appreciate her and be nice to her, or I will be pissed.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Contumelios
Mr B has just signed his demob papers. He is free, free!!!!! Or will be in 4 more working days.
One of the conditions is that he agrees not to make disparaging remarks about the company.
As if!
He would never disparage the lovely and talented HR manager, not make cutting or sarcastic remarks about said manager's ability. Nor would he be contemptuous, or snide. And he would never even consider belittling the publisher's business acumen. Honest he wouldn't.
One of the conditions is that he agrees not to make disparaging remarks about the company.
As if!
He would never disparage the lovely and talented HR manager, not make cutting or sarcastic remarks about said manager's ability. Nor would he be contemptuous, or snide. And he would never even consider belittling the publisher's business acumen. Honest he wouldn't.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Hard Working
My resume says I am 'hard working'. In interviews, I claim to be 'hard working'. However, it sure doesn't feel like I have been working hard this year (more like hardly working). The good news is, scheduled naps are back. Today I missed my nap, and I feel all confused now. I must go to bed early...no wait, sleep in extra late tomorrow to compensate.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Alexandria
Mr Baskerville has only 7 more working days till he is sacked, or, as he likes to think, free. During those 7 days he is of course expected to perform all his duties as normal, working to tight deadlines in a busy work environment (haha).
Part of his duties consist of designing newspaper colour sections. He uses photos from a photo library for this.
Imagine his surprise, therefore, when he could no longer log on! He informed the help desk, and was told that the publisher (loyal reader may recall publisher cannot find her arse with both hands) has already cancelled Mr B's library login.
Words fail him (perhaps luckily).
Part of his duties consist of designing newspaper colour sections. He uses photos from a photo library for this.
Imagine his surprise, therefore, when he could no longer log on! He informed the help desk, and was told that the publisher (loyal reader may recall publisher cannot find her arse with both hands) has already cancelled Mr B's library login.
Words fail him (perhaps luckily).
Monday, March 21, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Professionalism
Update!
Mr B's HR department is even MORE unprofessional...the HR woman has a meeting with all downsized staff today, and instead of preparing for this meeting, is sitting, uninvited, in the production department to eat her lunch.
She is Sheentastic.
FFS.
Mr B's HR department is even MORE unprofessional...the HR woman has a meeting with all downsized staff today, and instead of preparing for this meeting, is sitting, uninvited, in the production department to eat her lunch.
She is Sheentastic.
FFS.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Keep Smilin'!
One of my biggest pet peeves is when people write 'Keep Smilin'!' or 'Chin up!' or 'IT is what you make of it!' bullshit when I tell them less then ideal news in an email. How is that helpful? Why do I need to 'keep smilin'? Why can't I be pissed, annoyed, sad, grumpy, tired and worried? Give me money, and I will smile.
Book Review: The Aeneid
Huh, Mr B has only just learned how to spell Aeneid. Who knew it had only one 'a' in the title? And he still can't pronounce it.
Also, Mr B wouldn't recognize a dactylic hexameter if he tripped over one in the street.
Anyway....
Virgil is not Mr B's favourite Roman poet, but The Aeneid moves right along. Shagging, fighting, drinking...great stuff. If only Virgil was not so po-faced. Mr B, as his readers would expect, is a huge fan of Catullus and Ovid.
The plot: defeated Trojans get the last laugh and found the Roman Empire. haha, fuck you, Greeks!
Aeneas, faithless bastard, shags then abandons Dido. Dido stabs herself in a fit of pique. Aeneas & co sail around the Med until they find Italy.
Aeneas's son whines for a bit then precociously learns how to chuck spears. Mr B has forgotten his name, sorry, but just imagine he's played by Wesley Crusher.
Native Italians are defeated. The faithless bastard is given a princess bride.
The end.
Also, Mr B wouldn't recognize a dactylic hexameter if he tripped over one in the street.
Anyway....
Virgil is not Mr B's favourite Roman poet, but The Aeneid moves right along. Shagging, fighting, drinking...great stuff. If only Virgil was not so po-faced. Mr B, as his readers would expect, is a huge fan of Catullus and Ovid.
The plot: defeated Trojans get the last laugh and found the Roman Empire. haha, fuck you, Greeks!
Aeneas, faithless bastard, shags then abandons Dido. Dido stabs herself in a fit of pique. Aeneas & co sail around the Med until they find Italy.
Aeneas's son whines for a bit then precociously learns how to chuck spears. Mr B has forgotten his name, sorry, but just imagine he's played by Wesley Crusher.
Native Italians are defeated. The faithless bastard is given a princess bride.
The end.
Inconsiderate Bastards
As you know, Mr Baskerville has been downsized. 21 sleeps then he's out...or, more like, 42 if he includes naps.
The atmosphere in the production department is downbeat, to say the least. So why, for the love of God, do salespeople come in here gloating about their recent sales? Why??? The silence which greeted the most recent gloat was profound.
Have they forgotten the 'discocunts' episode?
Cross us at your peril.
The atmosphere in the production department is downbeat, to say the least. So why, for the love of God, do salespeople come in here gloating about their recent sales? Why??? The silence which greeted the most recent gloat was profound.
Have they forgotten the 'discocunts' episode?
Cross us at your peril.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
April Fool
Mr Baskerville was informed his last day at work is April 1. Frighteningly appropriate.
There was a meeting today. Tempers were lost. Voices raised. Sadly, hilarity did not ensue.
Would it be actionable to say that, allegedly, the HR person at Mr B's work is even less professional than Charlie Sheen? Because of course if it is actionable, Mr B will retract the allegation.
Mr B is considering studying law, so he can blog without fear.
There was a meeting today. Tempers were lost. Voices raised. Sadly, hilarity did not ensue.
Would it be actionable to say that, allegedly, the HR person at Mr B's work is even less professional than Charlie Sheen? Because of course if it is actionable, Mr B will retract the allegation.
Mr B is considering studying law, so he can blog without fear.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Strike!
What happens on a picket line? What do picketers talk about? Will there be fire in a metal garbage can to warm our hands over? Will there be irate citizens throwing stuff out of cars at us? Will we yell obscenities at people who cross the lines? Do I need to make my own sign? Should I put glitter on it?
All of these questions will be answered in my 'Striker's Journal: News from the lines'. You can find it published here, next week, or not at all.
All of these questions will be answered in my 'Striker's Journal: News from the lines'. You can find it published here, next week, or not at all.
Out of Work
Mr B has taken the buy-out (2 1/2 hour commute plus demotion? how tempting...but no) and will soon be unemployed. But how soon? Well, the HR department is thus far unable to tell him. Could be in 2 weeks, could be in a month...could be tomorrow.
Thanks, HR. This makes it so much easier to plan for the future.
This would be unbelievable as a sit-com plot. 'No-one could be this inept,' viewers would protest. 'We will change the channel immediately.'
Thanks, HR. This makes it so much easier to plan for the future.
This would be unbelievable as a sit-com plot. 'No-one could be this inept,' viewers would protest. 'We will change the channel immediately.'
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Taking Care of the People
My Gov't knows how to take care of it's citizens:
Number of weeks unemployed: 19
Total amount of money from the gov't: $413.
Gee thanks.
Number of weeks unemployed: 19
Total amount of money from the gov't: $413.
Gee thanks.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Married? You suck
I had started to develop a work crush at my new job. I ran into potential crush in lunch room sometimes. And got all nervous and giggly when chatting to him. But I found out yesterday that he is married and has a family. Crush is over.
All the good ones are taken. All the icky ones are left.
oh and ps: I have had wonderful experiences with mixing work with pleasure...
hahahahahhahahahahahaha
All the good ones are taken. All the icky ones are left.
oh and ps: I have had wonderful experiences with mixing work with pleasure...
hahahahahhahahahahahaha
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Crisis! Crisis!
Crisis at work today. Mr Baskerville's production department has been outsourced, starting end of March!!! He as 24 hours to decide if he wants to apply for a demotion, or accept a non-specified buyout.
So naturally, he had to go out for drinks after work and is in no condition to make any kind of decision right now.
So naturally, he had to go out for drinks after work and is in no condition to make any kind of decision right now.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Book Review: The Iliad
Yep, the Iliad. Long, very long...but then again, Mr B read it before he realised he could simply watch the movie.
Background facts: very long poem composed quite a while ago. In Greek, apparently. By a blind dude.
Review: This was surprisingly enjoyable, considering it is about a 10 year siege after which (Spoiler alert) everyone dies, apart from the few people with foresight enough to star in their own poems.
Achilles, pouting, petulantly refuses to play. The Trojans attack the Greeks. People bite the dust. The Greeks attack the Trojans. More dust biting. Helen moons them from the city walls. Deaths abound. The Trojans quarrel among themselves. Achilles is still pouting. Then his best mate is killed and Achilles has a temper tantrum and there is yet more fighting. The Trojan top dude is killed and the book abruptly ends.
Oh yeah, and there's a bunch of inexplicable gods, also fighting.
Background facts: very long poem composed quite a while ago. In Greek, apparently. By a blind dude.
Review: This was surprisingly enjoyable, considering it is about a 10 year siege after which (Spoiler alert) everyone dies, apart from the few people with foresight enough to star in their own poems.
Achilles, pouting, petulantly refuses to play. The Trojans attack the Greeks. People bite the dust. The Greeks attack the Trojans. More dust biting. Helen moons them from the city walls. Deaths abound. The Trojans quarrel among themselves. Achilles is still pouting. Then his best mate is killed and Achilles has a temper tantrum and there is yet more fighting. The Trojan top dude is killed and the book abruptly ends.
Oh yeah, and there's a bunch of inexplicable gods, also fighting.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Book Reviews
Mr Baskerville is planning a series of posts, reviewing the books he has read while at work.
These were all downloaded from Project Gutenberg, a site full of free books, mainly classics. Thus Mr B was able to expand his education (enabling him to show off at dinner parties) without wasting his own time! Genius.
And now the salient points so you, lucky reader, don't have to waste your own time.
Today, Charles 'paid by the word' Dickens' A Tale Of Two Cities.
Reading this was the worst of times. People whine a lot, the French are revolting, obsessive shoemaking, dopplegangers, spies, posh English bloke loses his head over a French bird.
It would have been a far, far better thing to actually not read it at all.
These were all downloaded from Project Gutenberg, a site full of free books, mainly classics. Thus Mr B was able to expand his education (enabling him to show off at dinner parties) without wasting his own time! Genius.
And now the salient points so you, lucky reader, don't have to waste your own time.
Today, Charles 'paid by the word' Dickens' A Tale Of Two Cities.
Reading this was the worst of times. People whine a lot, the French are revolting, obsessive shoemaking, dopplegangers, spies, posh English bloke loses his head over a French bird.
It would have been a far, far better thing to actually not read it at all.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Probation: not just for ex cons
When one starts a new job, there is a time frame called 'probation' in which the employer can fire you without a reason. This is not a good time for the new employee, who is trying desperately to do a fantastic job in a short period of time, and to be loved by everyone. An impossible feat. What about the rights of the employee? Why don't we get a time where we can 'fire' an employer and get subsidized by the gov't until we find an employer 'who fits right in'.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Boogers and Tears
So, when I arrived at my new job, they had my desk nicely set up for me. There were pens, pads of paper, sticky notes, a binder, a company pin, you know, all the stuff one needs to excel at their job. It was a nice touch. However, one thing I can't figure out is why there were three boxes of tissues on my desk, THREE, all in different spots of my work area. Did they expect me to be crying a lot? Or did they think I had a booger problem?
Milk and Honey
There is no milk in the fridge here. Mr Baskerville cannot function without tea...at least 8 cups a day. Tea without milk is like Fred without Ginger, Sausages without Mustard, Sodom without Gomorrah...
Come on, People In Charge. Get your arses into gear and buy us a couple pints of milk.
It's not like we're asking for the holy grail, FFS.
Come on, People In Charge. Get your arses into gear and buy us a couple pints of milk.
It's not like we're asking for the holy grail, FFS.
Learning Curve
Mr Baskerville is learning a lot these days. Sadly, nothing that will enable him to secure a better job.
He has learned:
- to have at least one appointment per week - dentist/chiropractor/doctor/kid's concert (he may have to borrow someone's child for this, he has not thought it all through yet)
- that threatening to sue the company enables an astonishingly useless colleague keep their job
- that pissing about on the internet all day does not lead to sacking
- that upper management are shockingly inept
- that he would very much like a drink, right about now would be good
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Oh Joy, Oh Rapture
Mr Baskerville has recently had some training!!! He is now qualified to input data. Yes, data entry. Typing in ad account numbers, prices, colour mix...all important stuff, of course. The lifeblood of the industry, if you will.
Why, therefore, does he feel like shooting the computer?
Fuck it, he is off out for cocktails at lunch.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Heart did not grow fonder
The publisher recently returned from a long vacation. Who knew she'd been gone?
Monday, January 17, 2011
Let it Snow
Please, let it snow. Soon, now, tonight, tomorrow, soon, just snow. I will be happy and a better person if it snows, I swear.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
New Dread
I am experiencing a new dread. It is starting-a-new-job-in-new-city-with-new-people in a couple days dread.
I can't say it is better or worse then the fuck-i-hate-my-job dread, just different.
Different is not beautiful.
I dream of a life without dread. Retirement?
I can't say it is better or worse then the fuck-i-hate-my-job dread, just different.
Different is not beautiful.
I dream of a life without dread. Retirement?
Sunday, January 2, 2011
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