Interview Advice

Do's and Dont's for the interview. Advice Mr Baskerville wishes he had actually followed, but never mind, there's always tomorrow. Only a day away, apparently.

Do

• take it seriously. This is your future! Your whole life depends on your convincing the pimply-faced HR person that you 'think in colour' and 'adore the clean, modern design of their website'*
• remember to iron your shirt/blouse, even if you will arrive crumpled and, most likely, a bit whiffy  the rest of your working life. The HR person loves the power s/he wielded by making you spend hours locating your iron 
• google the company (even if done frantically in the train on your way to the interview). They like it if you appear interested
• similarly, ask pertinent questions about their company. Clearly, you won't be arsed to think of any, so fall back on 'that's fascinating. And where do you see the company five years ahead?'
• maintain a high level of paranoia, especially if you and the other candidates are left together. This will be taped. Be especially aware if there is a mirror in the room. 
• be respectful. I can't stress this enough. Shake hands, bow, fuck it, why not salute?**
• bring gifts. Who doesn't like a bribe?

Don't

• listen to the advice of your stoner flatmate and have a relaxing spliff before leaving. You will not be jittery with nerves, but on the other hand you really won't give a fuck if you get the job or not
• take it too seriously. Really, the whole interview process is just bollocks, you are lying, the HR person is lying, and you would all be a hell of a lot better off down the pub
• forget their name. And if you do, don't make a wild guess and say a name at random because you will inevitably have got it wrong. Not everyone is called Mike
• mention that you only want their paycheque because your writing isn't lucrative. Just don't. This never leads to promotion

*don't worry about convincing them you want to work long hours for low pay, with the merest hint of a two week vacation after working for a year. They already know this.

**not the Nazi salute though. This wouldn't even work for Prince Harry